Episode #139 – My #1 Tips for Beating the 10 Month Sleep Regression

Disclaimer: Transcripts were generated automatically and may contain inaccuracies and errors.

Welcome to the kids sleep Show podcast where we dive into the magical world of sleep, and all things parenting. Join us as we embark on a journey filled with expert advice, practical tips and heartwarming stories that will transform your little ones into sleep superheroes, and empower you to navigate the beautiful chaos of parenting. I’m your host, Courtney Zentz. And I’m on a mission to change how the world view sleep and provide accessible sleep coaching resources for all families to build healthy sleep habits in their home for children and adults of all ages. As an award winning speaker, author and pediatric sleep expert, myself and my team of consultants work intimately with families around the world to teach healthy sleep habits to children and adults. I believe wholeheartedly that sleep is the foundation for which a happy home is built. So let’s sleep together. Hello, everyone. Welcome to this week’s episode of the Kids sleep show. We are chatting all about navigating the 10 month sleep regression. I get this question at least once a week in my sleep community slumber made simple where a parent is struggling with either a nine month old or a 10 month old that is experiencing a new sleep regression. They are just totally at odds because the baby was sleeping through the night taking consistent naps on a good schedule. And then all of a sudden sleep went to hell in a handbasket. So, in today’s podcast, I wanted to spend some time really taking you through why the 10 months sleep regression happens, how we can work toward changing a few things to fix some of the reasons why it’s happening. But then also understanding what biologically and developmentally is going on with your baby as they begin to hit that big milestone of their first birthday. So with that, let’s go ahead and dive in. For those of you I haven’t met my name is Courtney Zentz. I founded tiny transition sleep consulting over eight years ago to help tire families much like yourself, become better rested, and to have children who love to sleep and realize how beneficial it is for them as they grow. And as for parents, you get consistent, consolidated independent sleep every single night, which is great for everybody. So let’s dive in and chat a little bit, first and foremost about what is going on at 10 months old. Well, first, you’re going to have a lot of different changes in leaps happening over the course of the first year, there could be situations where maybe naps were going really really well. And all of a sudden, your baby’s waking short naps, they’re unpredictable, they’re fighting to go down, you’re not really sure what’s going on. Or perhaps they’ve started crawling, standing or walking, right, any of these developmental leaps could be part of the reason you notice sleep is off, and you might be in a sleep progression. Okay? These developmental milestones are going to happen for kids at a variety of different ages, one child could be eight months old, one child could be 11 months old, it really kind of depends on where your unique child is. But somewhere in that range of about eight months to 12 months, you’re gonna start to see some of these things. You also have an increase in separation anxiety. So if you’re noticing, hey, you walk out of the room and baby starts to cry, the second you are out of you, you might be experiencing the beginning of that separation anxiety. And you also are in the middle of a lot of nap transitions. You know, at six months of age babies transition from three naps to two naps. And then they stay at two naps for a few months. But somewhere around 10 months sleep needs changed a little bit. So you might see that one of those naps is getting a little bit you know, kind of shorter, or maybe you never made the leap to two naps. And now is the time you have to do that. So understanding the 10 monthly progression and trying to determine like what in your house is kind of happening

is going to help you to properly solve it right? There’s a lot of brain development that’s happening, your child is getting ready to start seeing their first words and they’re able to start understanding your presence and the fact you’re leaving right, sleep requirements change around 12 months of age, kids need a little bit less sleep still about 14 to 16 hours is the normal range for the next few months. But it does start to dial back where kids will sleep after their first birthday between about 11 and 12 hours at night and then somewhere around two to two and a half hours during the day. So let’s dive into all of this in a bit more of an organized fashion since I can ramble and talk about sleep for what feels like days and days and days. So first things first Reasons for the 10 month sleep regression, right? As I’ve already talked about developmental milestones, changes in sleep patterns and needs separation anxiety, or changes in their environment, maybe they were in your room, and now they’re going into their own room, or disruptions in routines and schedules, which can be especially transparent in children who go to daycare. My kids were daycare babies for the first year of life, for the first five years of life, actually. And, you know, there’s a lot happening in those particular situations. So we’re going to cover that all today. So first and foremost, when we talk about the number one thing that I see when it comes to sleep progressions at 10 month old, it has to do with developmental leaps, right? Your child is starting to talk, they’re starting to stand, they’re starting to do all of these different things. And sometimes they get excited, they get really excited, they stand up in the crib, and then they’re bouncing up and down. And then they don’t know how to get back down, right? Or maybe they’ve just rolled over. And they don’t know how to get back. Or maybe they just sat up, and now they can’t get back down. Right. So these developmental leaps can cause a regression. And a lot of times, it’s because as parents, we try to come in and save the day, right? We want to come in, we want to pick them up, we want to help them lay back down. Well, if you do that too much, they become reliant on you and never learned the developmental skill to be able to do it as quickly as they could, I mean, yes, they’re going to eventually learn how to do it. But you could also create a sleep proper association in the process, right. So if your child is just starting to explore crawling, and standing and walking, and they’re getting stuck, right, my advice to you is about three different times during the day, spend anywhere between five and 10 minutes, helping them stand up, and then helping them sit back down. Or if they sit up and they can’t get back down, kind of show them based on their dominant way of doing it, which you’ll be able to identify how to properly lay back down or using their dominant side how to roll back over, right? Kids are going to learn through practice. And so if we spend a few minutes practicing each day, right, 15 minutes a day, over the course of the week, and they’re going to have that skill mastered, so that it doesn’t ever really have a chance to impact their poor sleep from a habit standpoint, right? You don’t build any associations, if we can get past the things like that, that we can control. Okay, separation anxiety is probably the next thing I see. That starts to happen with kids at this age, kids become way more aware that you were there and you’re not now, right. So if you find that your baby is starting to totally get upset and start crying, when you walk out of the room, what I advise you to do is walk out for just maybe five seconds, and then walk back in and provide some reassurance, you can also start to say, Mommy, we’ll be right back. And then you go into the the other room for like three seconds and you go, Okay, I just needed to get this thing. And you start to build up a child’s confidence that they know you’re coming back, right? They want that reassurance, you are their lifeline. And so by slowly building a little bit of separation, over the course of a week, you can get your child a little more comfortable that when you say you’re going to be right back, you’re back. Or when you walk out of the room that you come back and you sort of say I’m right here. And you provide that reassurance. Now the biggest challenge where with separation anxiety, I see things happen is parents will say my baby was sleeping through the night. Now they woke up in the middle of the night, they woke up at 3am they were crying I went in, and the only thing I could do was pick them up and rock them to sleep because they were flailing their hands in the air and grunting or crying for me to pick them up. And so I did and now every night we’re stuck in their room and I’m holding them for the next three and a half hours until we start the day. And that’s the thing you want to avoid. Obviously, we are always as parents meant to be accessible for families, okay, for kids, like our job as a parent is to be accessible. But the one line I always tell even my sleep consultants on my team or that I talk with clients about is be accessible, not excessive, okay? You always want to provide comfort, provide support, teach our children but at the same time, don’t go so far over the edge that you’re creating these new associations. Like if you need me to sit in here while you’re going to sleep Great. I’ll sit here but I’m not going to hold you. Right. And if today I’m holding your hand, I have to recognize that over the course of a couple of days, I have to separate that connection because that too, can become a prop. Okay, so with separation anxiety, it’s kind of that slow and steady build of confidence with your baby that you are there. They are safe, you are safe and that you’re gonna be back. Now, the next thing we’re going to talk about is napped transitions. And this one, I save kind of the best for here because it is packed with information. All right. And I say that because it can be a little overwhelming when you start to explain how all of this stuff is connected. So first things first, a baby at 10 months old, should be on two naps a day, their sleep schedule, if you have a seven to seven type schedule should be that their first nap is always happening three hours after they wake at seven at 10 o’clock. Okay. And even if they were not getting up right at seven, but maybe 630, I would still force that first nap to 10 o’clock. Okay? The reason being is if you want your child on a loose seven to seven type day, you have to balance two naps. That’s all they’re going to take at this age. And if you take them at the wrong time, it’s gonna cause an imbalance in hormones, which is going to cause not only trouble with either falling asleep or staying asleep for naps, but it’s also going to cause trouble with falling asleep or staying asleep at bedtime. So let me explain. Okay, your body needs a certain amount of adenosine, which is sleep pressure, okay, in order to settle and to stay asleep. And if your timings off, your brain thinks you’re trying to stay awake, and it triggers stimulant hormones, right. That’s why overtired often causes trouble sleeping, which is ironic, because the kids really tired, right? But it’s because your brain gets flooded with the stimulant hormones. So to properly balance a 10 month old hormones, and ideal sleep schedule, it’s two naps a day, it is almost impossible to get a two month old or a 10 month old to take three naps, unless they’re in a daycare situation where they’re taking set naps for like 45 minutes each time at like 930 1233 30. But it is almost rare that that happens, though it does, okay. 10 months old, you should be on two naps. Typically, your first nap is at 10 o’clock, a child at this age needs three hours of total daytime sleep. And that second nap is going to be three hours after a child wakes. So let me give you a sample sleep schedule for a 10 month old, they wake at 7am. They eat around 945 They eat again. And then you lay them down at 10 o’clock for their first nap they are either going to sleep from 10 to 11, from 10 to 1130, or from 10 to 12 in cases where a child can independently settle to sleep, and I’ll get to that next. Okay, when they wake from that nap three hours later, it’s either going to be if they go from 10 to 11, they’re going to then sleep from two to four. If they go 10 to 1130, they’re going to sleep 230 to four and if they go 10 to 12, they’re going to sleep three to four. Okay? All of those scenarios give you three hours of total daytime sleep, and then set you up if you’re waking up for for a seven o’clock bedtime. So you’re going to eat at 710 147 You’re going to nap at 10 And then somewhere between two and three. You’re going to be up at four and you’re going to go to bed at seven that is the schedule for a 10 month old Okay, now you might be listening to this and go Yeah, haha, funny, but that’s never gonna happen in our house or kid doesn’t nap like that they’re

not consistent. My baby won’t sleep on a schedule all these things right? Well, let me tell you if you are doing something that is a sleep Association, meaning you are rocking to sleep nursing to sleep feeding, to sleep bouncing to sleep driving to sleep, anything with the word to sleep, your child will not nap easily, they will experience more sleep regressions they will have broken sleep at bedtime and won’t sleep through the night. They will have false starts where they’re waking 45 minutes after bedtime. Everything with sleep is connected. Okay, so when somebody asks a simple question of what is happening with the 10 month sleep regression, it could be a variety of these things you see. So you have to start to kind of peel apart the layers and go Alright, first, is my child sleeping at the right time, which I just explained? Second, are they eating enough right babies can wake because they’re hungry. So making sure that they’re getting the right amount of milk 24 to 32 ounces in the daytime hours breast or formula that they are learning these leaps and you’re not having to interject in helping them. Okay? And making sure that they’re independently settling, right. If your child is requiring you to do something to get them to sleep, this will never work because you are the variable. Alright. Children learn to sleep well on a schedule and through the night and settling at bedtime when they have the ability to do it. And if you are the part of that that’s in the equation, they’re just never going to learn it until they understand they have the skill to do it themselves. And then that skill gets practiced, right? So with the right schedule, and the right hygiene, and then the right work in the day to get over any developmental leaps. You have the ability for your child to sleep really well. Sleep regressions can be tough sometimes as parents are like, gosh, are they teething? Are they sick? Is it anxiety? Is it something else going on? Right? I just changed their environment, right? You always have to take away the things you can control, you can control intake, right? How much are they getting in the day? At this age, they should not be waking overnight to eat. You should be controlling how they fall asleep. Are they falling asleep independently? Right? You should be looking at their environment. Typically kids sleep between I like 68 and 70 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s a personal preference. As a baby sleep coach that we often tell our clients, are they comfortable? Is it calm? Is it dark, right? I drove by my neighbor’s house last night actually coming home from dance class with my daughter. And they have a blue globe on in their kid’s room and I saw it through the window. And it is like this humongo bright blue, blue light, right? Bold. That’s like on in this kid’s room. And I’m like, Oh my gosh, like, turn it red. Turn it red, you know, and I didn’t want to say anything. And I probably will say something just so they know. But blue light is a stimulant. And you also don’t want a nightlight in their room at this age. They don’t need it. They’re not afraid of the dark, dark, dark, dark toddlers, maybe which this kid is you have a nightlight but you still want it to be like red or very dim. I love Himalayan sea salt lamps, especially because they’re very, very light, light. Okay, does that make sense? It’s like a pink soft light versus a harsh blue light that can be a stimulant. Okay, you have to look at kind of all of these different things that could be causing the time on sleep regression, and go okay, check. They’re eating check, they’re napping at the right time check. They’re settling independently. Check. There’s a little bit of separation anxiety, but we’re working on it and check. They know how to get up and get down and they recognize the boundaries when it comes to sleep. Okay, if you are struggling with all of the things around 10 months old, and you’re like, Okay, Courtney, like we’re trying this, but we can’t get past it. We’re here to help. Right? We’ve been sleep consultants for over eight years, I have an amazing team of 10 coaches all over the country, like we do this. And we’re good at it. And we work with families, so many different ways to get you to your own unique goals. But also like looking at your kids personality or their requirements or your living situation, right? We just finished with somebody in New York City. And there are two kids and two adults in a one bedroom apartment. And we were sleep training with this family in New York City, right? Like that looks a lot different than the five bedroom house in suburbia where everybody’s got their own space. Okay. So every family is different. We’re here to help you. We’re like a judgment free zone. We love working with families, and we’re always happy to help. There’s so many different ways you can work with us. You can say, You know what, Courtney? Like, let’s just start with something free, right? We have a Facebook community called slumber made simple. I’ll put the link in the show notes. We always are doing like trainings out there and open q&a is and my team’s in there managing questions. We have the next level of coaching, which is unique in the industry. It’s called Sleep steps. So it’s it’s self paced coaching program with videos that coach you through everything. But it’s the only one that actually offers live time every single week on a zoom with me and my team to get all your sleep questions answered. So we’re the only DIY program that actually includes the coaching, and it’s 97 bucks a month. And it’s right out on our website called Sleep steps. Now, you might also be somebody who says, You know what, I just want somebody personally, I want a private sleep coach, I want them in my pocket. I want to talk to them every day, I want all the things that a baby sleep consultant does. Great. We’ve got 10 of them, including myself, and we happily work with families. My goal in starting tiny transitions was to make sleep coaching affordable for every family for every age and stage where you are. And that’s what we aim to do. So if you have questions, you’re just unsure, be sure to check us out. We are more than happy to chat. We have free consultations that will kind of like let you know, Hey, you don’t actually need to hire me. But here are some things you can do or Hey, based on where you’re at, here’s what I recommend. From a program standpoint. Give us a look tiny transitions.com Any questions you have again, I’m Courtney Zentz. And it’s so great to be here on the kids sleep show. I get this amazing ability to chat with all of you all over the world and talk about sleep struggles and how to fix it. If you have an idea for a podcast episode and you’re always you know, kind of struggling with something and you’re just not sure where to go shoot me an email Courtney at Tiny transitions.com and say, Hey, can you talk about this on your podcast? I record these every couple of weeks so we always have time to get some new and fresh content in to help you how Have a great night of sleep. Thanks so much for tuning in. Until next time, have a great week. Enjoy the changing seasons, and I’ll see you next time here on the kids sleep show.